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How to Deal With Anxiety: 6 Must-Know Principles

You might think after reading the other articles about anxiety, “Morganne, now that I have a better understanding of what anxiety is, What can I do about it?” How do you deal with anxiety, you ask? Here are 6 must-know principles.


There are several guiding thoughts that help.  I’m referencing principles here because a person’s particular situation (for example, what one is anxious about, previous experiences, level of true self-esteem, etc.) varies from person to person, which influences exactly what to do.  However, having a general idea (about what is described below), will help you understand how to, generally speaking, move through anxiety; or what elements always occur in true abatement of anxiety.  Hearing my thoughts here also provides context to my thoughts pertaining to natural remedies, and how they should be ‘helpfully’ used.  I’ll be posting about natural remedies soon, so stay tuned…

1: Distress Tolerance.

Distress tolerance is key.  What I mean here is that we as people have to be able to tolerate a high amount of stress while we are working towards the true long-term solution because we are not engaging in avoidance which perpetuates and generalizes anxiety.  Again, avoidance is a short-term mitigation strategy to temporarily (or falsely) bring down stress.  (You can read more about the Avoidance Cycle in the blog, Quick Guide: What Is Anxiety? | What Anxiety Feels Like. (Example)).  So experiencing a high amount of distress can be a good sign (in and of itself), in that it can signify that avoidance (an unproductive way to cope) is not being used.  

We have to be able to tolerate a high amount of stress while we are working towards the true long-term solution because we are not engaging in avoidance.

Furthermore, we have to fully bring into our awareness what has occurred so we can accurately work through what happened to heal.  Because we matter, a person is going to experience an intense level of emotion when everything is authentically brought forward to one’s awareness, especially if they have been suppressing it for some time.  Being able to tolerate high levels of emotion to (1) not avoid, and (2) fully see (so there is the opportunity to embrace and confront what occurred through love and acceptance) is necessary to reconcile and heal.  To form new ways of thinking, viewing, and perceiving the world, that ultimately leads to the work of building new associations.  Since we know the subconscious is the silent operating system; working on re-working and rewiring the mind and heart is a practice of utter reverence.  One which includes working through intense emotion.     

We have to fully bring into our awareness what has occurred so we can accurately work through what happened to heal.

While doing this work, and building new associations with distress, de-escalation techniques are helpful in building a person’s awareness that they are able to – in a healthy way – modulate their emotions, even while doing the long-term work.  That is natural, healthy forms of release; like breathing, exercise, progressive muscle-relaxation, visualization, meditation, and other exercises that hone focus in a productive manner is necessary to tolerate distress in a healthy way, which also creates evidence that we are able to successfully navigate anxiety (which builds our belief and confidence in ourselves (self-efficacy).  

2: Proactive Behavior.

The inverse of avoidance is proactive behavior.  Again, instead of avoiding anxiety, we want to fully see, embrace, and process what’s occurred.  This may take some time.  However, after we have a general idea of the scope of the issue (which typically happens immediately after we fully & authentically acknowledge what we need to face), we then have an idea of what we need to move towards.  We may not know exactly how to get there, or the exact destination, but these two plot points create an outline, and chart a course about how to move forward.  Given this insight (while we are still seeing, embracing, & processing what’s occurred), we want to take active measures towards the long-term solution.  In other words, we want to engage in action-oriented activity in smaller steps that leads towards the true resolution.  Again, proactive behavior is done in conjunction with the deeper work (referenced above), and in a spirit of acceptance and love of self.  Meaning, the tension (or rigor) in which one engages in proactive behavior respectfully reflects: (1) the issue & the painful impact of what’s occurred, (2) our resilience & current strengths, and (3) the impetus to develop/engage in new patterns and ways of living out of genuine health need.  

Proactive behavior is done in conjunction with the deeper work (referenced above), and in a spirit of acceptance and love of self. 

3: Mindfully Build New Associations.

On the way of Moving Forward, we come across neutral or positive content that strikes a chord, the chord of unease (or greater); better known as a trigger.  Because we know how anxiety can be generalized (see What No One Tells You About What Causes Anxiety blog), we also know that there’s a lot of content (consciously or subconsciously) that is likely paired incorrectly.  Our job here is to rewire those associations, mindfully, in a way that aligns with our Authentic Self, or true nature.   This process ‘un-generalizes’ anxiety or generalizes (or spreads) positive insight, which ultimately leads to a more positive outlook, and a more positive experience.  Knowing this before, we can more fully embrace our healing.  Not only will be less caught off guard when triggers arise (because we know what’s happening), we can also take an active present position of self-determination (versus something being done ‘to us’ that is out of our control).  In moving states from passive victimization to an active participant (of facilitating a better possibility into the present) is powerful in and of itself.  In this mindset, we view triggers as information about what needs to heal, and view anxious situations as opportunities for change.   

Our job here is to rewire those associations, mindfully, in a way that aligns with our Authentic Self, or true nature. 

4: Working Towards a Long-Term Solution.

This has been referenced above, but should never be overlooked.  Working towards a long-term solution (which requires vision outside one’s paradigm to a better future), not a version of abatement, is always present with true relief.  Envisioning a better you and a better life is needed to derive intention, which anchors our effort and sustains motivation, despite the pain and discomfort that arises from facing what we need to face. 

Envisioning a better you and a better life is needed to derive intention, which anchors our effort and sustains motivation, despite the discomfort that arises.

5: Connection with Self. 

Working towards a long-term solution should always lead you to a truer version of yourself.  Let me give an example.  Let’s say Bobbi worries about finances.  Pertaining to this topic, worries about money are likely linked to beliefs about scarcity; and perhaps even linked to thoughts about deservability and one’s ability to generate money.  If Bobbi only focuses on acquiring money, and forgoes the inner work (although their effort to change is honorable); beliefs about accumulation and materialism (which reinforce conditional value) will be reinforced.  Therefore, although Bobbi may accomplish their goal in paying a bill or being in a better financial position; the state of anxiety will still be present, although temporarily alleviated (which leads to a different presentation of worry, not true abatement).  Based on these beliefs where one has to constantly prove, the pressure to accumulate and demonstrate status (materialism) increases.  

True solutions always lead to us resolving, and gradually relinquishing, barriers to us becoming ourselves.

True solutions that abate anxiety, always lead to us resolving (and gradually relinquishing) barriers to us becoming ourselves (for instance, in Bobbi’s case, one example may be learning that they are always truly deserving, even if others or life experiences have said otherwise).  Again, because anxiety is a signal to re-align with the true self, we naturally become more integrated and have greater freedom in authenticity when we face what we need to face.  

6: Have a Positive Mindset. 

The approach makes all the difference. 

The approach makes all the difference.  Having a positive mindset means approaching our health through: (1) the view that we are able to heal, and (2) that we are fully accepting ourselves (meaning we accept what’s happened, our current status, and who we are really meant to be, even if that version of ourselves is yet to be discovered).  Saying this, we take responsibility for ourselves, even if what happened to us is not our fault.  Through doing this, we dissolve shame, and are working towards reprogramming acceptance in our conscious and subconscious mind.  Through this paradigm, or way of thinking, we have an ‘opportunity mindset’, a mindset of gratitude (because now that we know what hurts, we have the capability to change).  I always say, “You cannot heal from something you cannot see.”  This insight leads us to be grateful for the outer-workings of anxiety, because our body, mind, and heart is communicating with us about what we need to do.  In this posture, our talk to ourselves may sound something like: 

I always say, “You cannot heal from something you cannot see.”  This insight leads us to be grateful for the outer-workings of anxiety because our body, mind, and heart is communicating with us about what we need to do.

“I am grateful you are showing me something I am scared about.”

“I am grateful it is in my awareness.”

“I am grateful that I know about it, so I can do something, versus it just hurting.”

In having a positive mindset, we open our minds and hearts to keep telling us what we are worried about, while we are building mastery (or evidence that we can help ourselves).  This interplay (sincere openness & vulnerability to self, with earnest intention to heal that is demonstrated through mindful action) IS POWERFUL.  I can’t emphasize this one enough.  In this dynamic we are in self-reflection and being more honest with ourselves.  The more real with ourselves we are, the more authentic we can be, the more aligned with our Real Self we become, the more Anxiety actually dissolves (Selah!  Ase!) 

This interplay (sincere openness & vulnerability to self, with earnest intention to heal that is demonstrated through mindful action) IS POWERFUL.  I can’t emphasize this one enough.

The path to healing is always worth the trip, even if you don’t know exactly what is ahead.  It is worth it to ride the wave, the wave of distress.  You are worth it.  You having more healthy relationships is worth it.  You accessing more genuine creativity within who you really are, (perhaps that is different ways to think of computer code, or a better way to parent, or another way to make someone genuinely smile) is worth it.  You knowing yourself is worth it!  You living your life fully and authentically, is worth it.  You knowing yourself, for all that you are, is worth it.  IT IS ALL WORTH IT!!

So keep going!  Reach down, reach deep; reach in to face whatever you need to face.  You are worth it.  

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